It wasn't really self harm
by Lord of the Power Button
Summary: ND's take on their own forms of self harm. Disclaimer: I don't own it, obviously, if I did the show would be much, much better!
1. Kurt

**Kurt**

**A/N: This is based on personal experience. There will be one for each ND and maybe some minors (i.e Jesse, Blaine, random Warblers, etc)**

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

Kurt doesn't know when he made the transition from warm water to hot, or hot to scalding.

He doesn't think he wants too.

He lets the water run in the bath until its full the entire way, always hot.

About midway he feels the prickling in his hands from the heat, can see where his skin is starting to redden, violently.

He turns off the water, sitting for a few minutes before climbing to his feet.

He looks down.

Sees' where the boiled skin stops and the untouched skin starts.

Snow white against blood red.

He gets transfixed, mesmerized.

The red skin captivating his attention like noting else.

The colour drains from his legs after a few hours but the tingling stays with him, in body and mind.

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	2. Sam

**Sam**

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

He would tell his parents he had glee, or was going to the library to study.

He thinks they know the truth.

He goes to the school gym, stands shirtless in front of the mirror and points out his flaws.

Then he works out.

For _hours._

Until he's dripping with sweat and he feels like he's about to collapse.

And then he goes again.

Twice as hard.

And when he's done, he looks in the mirror, stand shirtless in front of the mirror and point out his flaws.

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	3. Mercedes

**Mercedes**

It wasn't really self harm.

She didn't cut, and she most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

The freezer and pantry held her best friends.

Ice and salt.

She could do it anywhere.

Nobody would notice.

Slipping some salt onto her wrist under the table, she waits until everyone's attention is elsewhere.

Then she makes her move.

Sneaking ice from her drink, if she's desperete she'll take it from her brothers without much protest.

She places it over the ice and allows the familiar feeling to wash through her.

She repeats this everyday, in the same spot.

It wasn't really self harm.

She didn't cut, and she most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	4. Puck

**Puck**

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

Fight club was Pucks lifeline.

Without it he would have drown.

Letting people beat him up and bruise him was a feeling he _needed._

He forgets most meetings, a blur of beatings and laughter.

His own laughter.

He never shed a drop of blood, an unspoken rule.

He lived off the buzz he got.

He felt alive.

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	5. Santana

**Santana**

**A/N:These haven't been turning out too long but I'm kinda happy with that, I think they need to be if you wanna prompt an action or person feel free :)**

It wasn't really self harm.

She didn't cut, and she most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

She booked another appointment for _him._

Her devil in disguise.

Of white cloth and latex gloves.

It had started with a necasary nose job, a deviated septum

It escalated into something more,

something _sinister._

Soon it was her boobs and stomach, her lips and wrinkles.

Anything for the feeling that still tingled after _weeks._

So much better than sex and drugs and alchohal,

better than everything.

It wasn't really self harm.

She didn't cut, and she most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	6. Lauren

**Lauren**

**A/N: I'm not crazy about this one, but it's longer. It is also dedicated to **_MEBdaPenguin_** ,**_ Jo, Maddy , Love's Daughter_** , who very kindly reviewed this, btw if I haven't responded personally yet I will be soon :) I hope you enjoy and reviews inspire me! *hint hint***

It wasn't really self harm.

She didn't cut, and she most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

She uses her dad's lighter.

Says she's lighting candles.

Heating up the pointed end of a metal comb,

She can't help but smile.

It only takes a few minutes to get prepared,

enough time to consider and re-consider what she's doing.

To think about if she _really _wants this.

It makes her wish the lighter was hotter and the comb would heat up quicker.

Pressing the heated tip to her thigh,

she lets a shaky breath leave her mouth.

Writhing the slurs on her makes them less painful.

She writes the first letter on her; **F**

She remembers Lee Cummin's, a transfer student, had mumbled to Karofsky asking who the _fat _girl was. He couldn't walk right for two weeks after that.

Anybody who had any sense wouldn't say anything about her, atleast not to her face.

Pressing it down again she moves to the next, **A**

She thinks of all the skinny girl's in her class who had made her feel like crap just by being there.

Her hand becomes shaky while she writes the last, **T**

She hears her mother telling her that she needs to lose weight.

Once she's done she places the comb on her desk and covers her leg again.

She doesn't need to look at it again, she knows it there.

Etched in her skin,

blistering and scabbing over.

She tells herself she won't do it again,

She knows she's lying again.

It wasn't really self harm.

She didn't cut, and she most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	7. 911

**This isn't an update or anything really to do with my story, just me letting people know that I'm thinking of the men and women killed this day 10 years ago. The images of the "jumpers" will forever haunt me xxx**


	8. AN

**I'm REALLY sorry**

**a LOT has happened since I last updated anything and I'm sorry to say it might not happen for a while. My parents found out about my cutting and went ape shit crazy so I wasn't allowed on my computer and then my boyfriends mam died of cancer and the funeral was today so I've been helping him with that and babysitting alot (his brothers only 10) while he helps his dad sort out the funeral stuff. So Im HOPING to update "Untitled" today or tomorrow but that'll be it and I cant even promise that.**

**I'm really Sorry :/**

**~Peace Out~**

**Lord of the Power Button**


	9. Finn

**Finn**

**A/N: This is my first update in AGES! Sorry for that nut I'm back now :) I wasn't to happy with this one but hey its an update Read and Review :) **

**Happy Christmas and New Year!**

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

Finn eyes the food resting on his plate

On Burt's

And his Mom's

And Kurt's

but while theirs was disappearing his stayed untouched

He wasn't in it for the weight loss

Though after what Santana said it was a bonus

The pain in his stomach every night was reward enough for a hard days work

He didn't need food

He needed the pain that eating could never give him

No amount of bruises, cuts or burns matched up to the pain in his stomach

Rumbling had become the soundtrack of his life

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	10. Artie

**A/N: Sorry I've been gone so long, sometimes real like shit happens**

**Artie**

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

Artie felt dirty,

Like he'd been dragged through mud and dirt and sand,

He wasn't even sure why anymore,

No dumpster tosses,

This always made him feel good and clean after those,

No slushies either,

but he didn't care why now, all he cared about was doing it

He dragged the metallic like sponge across his torso

Scraped the skin there until it was raw and then moved onto his hip

Then the other,

Then his lower back,

His arms,

His neck,

And finally his face

He pushes himself further into the water,

submerging his entire body until nothing but his still red shoulders are escaping the warm waters wrath on the roaring red flesh

His mother had run the bath, a perfect temperature.

He needed to stay in the water until the redness went down, so his parents wouldn't see.

He stared at the pot scrubber again,

He was clean,

_Finally clean._

It wasn't really self harm.

He didn't cut, and he most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	11. Tina

**Tina**

**A/N: I hope if anybodies still reading this you'll enjoy! Life's a bitch a lot of the time so hopefully she won't pms too much and I can update again soon :)**

It wasn't really self harm.

She didn't cut, and she most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

Tine sat in class,

hands twitching wildly, this extra chemistry class should have been over long ago,

but the teacher droned on.

She brushed her finger across her nail.

Grabbing hold of a cuticle,

she tore,

ripping the majority of th nail off her finger.

Not all the way

Not enough to bleed,

or even cause that much reddening.

Just enough that it woud hurt to press against

or do much of anything.

She smiled as the class became a little more bearable

Yeah, she could do this.

She could survive this.

It wasn't really self harm.

She didn't cut, and she most certainly never bled.

It barely even hurt. It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


	12. Will

**A/N:** _I can't believe it's been so long since I've updated. I began my NaNoWriMo so I'm using this as a writing break from that. If anybody happens to read this story, Thank you :)__  
><em>

It wasn't really self harm

He didn't cut and he most certainly never bled.

It was uncomfortable but not really painful.

Will pressed the long wooden ruler to his skin again.

He shivered.

Most people would get a sexual thrill out of this,

But not him.

It was the reaffirming _crack_ against his skin that he needed.

He just needed to be reminded that he was human.

That he wasn't a robot.

That he was now, and forever would be, a human.

And if he had to expose his flesh to purple mounds so be it.

He wasn't doing anything wrong.

He didn't do drugs.

Or drink excessively.

He wasn't affecting anybody else.

It wasn't really self harm

He didn't cut and he most certainly never bled.

It was uncomfortable but not really painful.


End file.
